Wake me up from my dreamworld

How do you break free, without breaking apart?

I woke up today, still thinking about you. How much I love you. Is it my fault to keep on dreaming of something I know I will never have? When all I want is to wake up beside you and tell you how much I love you first thing in the morning. To daydream how I see my future with you, 30 or 50 years from now. To spend nights still looking for the perfect song for us. I don’t know how not to think about you anymore. Cupid did hit me big time. Our G- day was the happiest and the saddest day ever. We’ve been together for 8 hours. The feeling when I hug you while you’re driving was so great. The way you held my hand, and don’t want to let go. Hay. It was a dream come true to share an umbrella with you and walk with you under the rain. But it’s so painful to think that it may never happen again. You’re the only person I know, who wished for traffic, just to stay with me longer. I’m not going to forget how you asked the lady at the tollgate how they reach their workplace everyday. That stupid question. lol. You asked that question to make me happy. You even used your black car, so that I get to watch the wedding where you saw me. Where you first discovered that Love at first sight did exist. You’re so cute babe. Especially when you get jealous. And when I end up comforting you after. Then you’ll say, “Fine..I’m so easy.” hay. You never fail to surprise me. I’m loving it. After I rant about your surprises, I still end up loving them anyway. And thank you. You made me happy babe, not for the things that you can give me, but for the thought that you’re going to do everything just to see me happy. You told me, seeing how my eyebrows raise, how I press my thin lips together, how I smile when I look at you. You said it’s priceless. I’m going to miss the daydreams we used to have. How our weekends would be like. Our road trip plans with friends. Our trip to Bali. Barcelona. Venice. Our dream house. Every detail about it I know I won’t forget. =(

I love you babe. But every time I say these 3-word, 8-letter term it feels like stabbing myself with a knife. Grasping for air because I find it difficult to breathe. The next thing I knew, hot tears starts to roll down my cheeks. And after feeling the pain made by the deepest scar, I’ve never imagined I could take, I still find myself back where I started. I still wish for you in my life. I still yearn for you to need me back. I still crave for you to say that you love me than anything else.

Pero ang sakit na..ang sakit sakit na.

Sabi ko, “I’m letting you go.”

Sabi mo, “Your letting me go?”

Oo na. Tatanggapin ko na. Na hindi ako. Pero di ako sumusuko.

I’ll still pray for the day, that you will hurry back to me.

SPARKS

You always ask me why I gave my hand to you that night when you asked for it.

And I always answer. I don’t know either.

It’s just now that I realized why.

I want to know what will happen to the sparks. If it will burn, or it will just die out. I knew it. It was set on fire. That night, you, holding my hand for few seconds, changed everything. If it was this great, you just holding my hand, how much more, if you hold my heart. You, taking care of it.

Wander back. Go forth.

            How I have to close the windows of 2008 and open the doors for 2009. Welcome new horizons and growing possibilities that are worth waking up to. Start optimistic thinking, because negativism won’t help. Right?

            Soooo… What happened to my 2008? That’s the year, I have experienced REAL POVERTY! Haha. Yeah. No more allowance, so I have to earn money for myself. Too bad, I didn’t find hospital job that will compensate me in return. So yeah, I worked as a VOLUNTEER nurse for 4 months and half. No salary. But I have found new friends thatvI will surely treasure till the end. And I think, it’s more than what I asked for right? You can’t buy friends for keeps with money.  And I won’t trade them for anything else. So for all my NFF’s – I’m grateful I met you and I’m looking forward for more bonding moments with you guys. Thank you and I love you.

            This year, I have also experienced the sorrow of defeat. Unfortunately, Reeseylove and I didn’t pass NCLEX. We became sad, but after finishing a pint of ice cream, some load of carbs, through the help of adorable friends, our lovely family and most of all, our merciful God, we took as a blessing in disguise, that maybe it’s not yet time for us to go. So we have to move on. Love you Reeseygirl.

            The past year, I also experienced to let someone go. Though it wasn’t a good separation, I’m still hoping we could be friends when the wounds are healed. Maybe people are right, when they say, that there’s always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I found the ONE. My Mcdreamy. But the timing isn’t right. Yeah. Life was sure unfair. But I realized that nothing really great comes easy. True love takes time. Believe. Have faith. Don’t give up and lose hope on love. Continue to love. And from there, we’ll see.

            I can say that I’m proud of the person I have become the past year. Even though I’m sure imperfect. But who’s perfect anyway? I realize my flaws and weaknesses. I have learned to accept them and learned how to conquer them in a certain way I know I can, though I know I’m still on the process itself. I have also experienced to somehow live a messy life and felt how was it like. That I’m capable of making mistakes, and learning from it. That‘s the best catch I think. You learn. And everyday, you try to live as a better person.

COLLIDE

Put your music player on shuffle. Click -Next Song- for every question and write it down.

this is cool. pamapatangal inip din ;)

What does next year have in store for me?

Kiss Chasing- The Chalets (haha loving it!=)

What does your love life look like?

high way- Ingrid Michaelson (eh eh iiyak ako!ayoko nito!)

What do I say when life gets hard?

love story- Katherine McPhee (ano daw? haha)

What song will I dance to at my wedding?

You and I both- Jason Mraz (sweetest! yeahbacute song nice!=)

What do you want as a career?

I Like What You Say- Nada Surf (chona chikadora talaga ako haha)

Your favorite saying?

Northern Downpour- Panic! At the Disco (yeah right..)

What do you think of your parents?

Go On Girl- Neyo ( wahaha nakakatawa naman to. mommy go on daw. haha)

Where would you go on a first date?

Somewhere only we know- Keane (perfect!)

Drug of choice?

I want you- Third Eye Blind (addict talga ko sayo no? eh eh)

Describe yourself.

Irreplaceable- Beyonce ( talaga no! hehe)

What is the thing I like doing most?

Story of a Girl- Train (nicey!)

The song that best describes the president?

Save Tonight- Eagle Eye Cherry (magtira ka naman haha)

How will I die?

Miss California- Rude Buddha (haha wake up Ms. California hahahaha)

The song that will be played at your funeral?

Come A Little Bit Closer-Brandy (haha wag kayo matakot)

The song you’ll put as the subject?

Collide- Howie Day (fave fave)

BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

My birthday will be on the 16th already! Can’t believe it another year had passed.. And i don’t wanna grow old. grr So my birthday no longer excites me.

Well I know my lovely family and adorable friends will find way to make me happy on this day. So just read on below and you won’t get lost.hahaha

1. Twilight book-I’m such a loser I haven’t read this book. Maybe Reesey and I became so busy preparing for our exam. So now is the right time to splurge some time on lovable emo reading.haha

2. Flojos Slippers (the black one)- I so want it!!!!

3. More Strawberry and blueberry belts from Candy Mix Store -eating these candies makes me crazy and happy. =)

4.New Speaker for my computer—oops, not this one anymore. I so love my brother he gave it in advance. Yahoo! =) thanks kuya hugs and kisses =) so next..

5.VODKA AND TEQUILA FOR MY FRIENDS ONLY- I’ll just have beer instead. Just recovered from a trauma of that f*c*ng tequila.haha i’ll watch you guys party like crazy haha

6. Clinique Happy from my bestfriend Rouven- boy eto na ang tamang panahon para ipadala mo sakin birthday ko na aba! di na tayo nakakapagchat. hope to catch you later. 

7. Gusto kong bumaha ng donuts- hahaha I’m crazy over donuts.

8. A new shirt- anything. haha la nako maisip basta gusto ko lang haha

9. To have a job! - naman kase!!!! ano bang petsa na!!! This bum life is killing me!!!! I want my real job! I so miss hospital works.. huhuhu

10. Lastly.. hay. You know..I still want my sweetest hangover. You know who you are. *sigh*

I wish I’m 12 years old again. carefree. hay i wanna go back to my childhood. grrrr

Now I’m Cinderella

How could a heart get so stupid when you love someone? =(

I’m the kind of person who view things in a half- filled perspective. But just recently, I don’t know what happened to the real me. I didn’t even notice that I’m quite changing just because of him. Some changes for the better. Some for worse. Remember my old post? When I broke up with my recent ex, “Why should I settle for less, when I know I can have more?” That’s the reason why I decided to leave the relationship. Because I know my worth. That I’m worth having. I’m worth missing.  I’m worth loving. But what happened to me? Now I’m like a full-filled glass. No matter how much water you put in it, there’s no use. Eveything that you will try to put in that glass, will just spill.

When you love someone, you try to shield all his imperfections, because that’s how you want to see that person. Perfect. Close to being perfect. Ideal. When you have this mental picture of your knight in shining armor long before, and when you saw that person, you know that it’s him. But yes, I guess reality just bites. When suddenly you woke up from your dream world. From the fairytale, that you’ve been trying to deem all this time. That your Prince Charming just happens to protect somebody else more than he protects you. When you know you’re Cinderella, but Prince Charming loves Princess Aurora more. Or that Prince Charming would die without Belle. And you, being Cinderella, you know that no matter how the glass slippers fits you perfectly, it will never just be you.

How I wish, I could find another character for my fairytale. Someone who can replace Prince Charming in my heart. Hmm. Like Beast. He may not be perfect or close to be one, but you know, he’s real.  I’m the only one for him. The one whom he will sacrifice each petal of his damn life.

Being the stupid Cinderella, I don’t know how to use breakes. I hope I would just run out of gasoline to finally stop.

Time will reveal

HER: I’m going to tell you something..

HIM: Ano na naman yan? Joke na naman. Alam mo namang kaw lang may mga alam ng sagot jan sa art works mo e.

HER: No.. di to art work

HIM: What is it?

Yan na….

=(

HER: I know she’s great. She’s good for you. And I don’t want you to be unfair to her. What we felt that day, when we saw each other at the church. I know it’s different. It just hit us. When I’m with you, I don’t know.. But it seems like everything is more magical to me.

HIM: I know that’s why it’s so hard. =( Marqui..

HER: Don’t be sad please =( I’m not finish yet. Unfortunately, madami tayong questions. Dahil ganito ang situation. I don’t know why. Ang alam ko lang, everything is happening with a purpose. With right reasons. What do you think? Maybe time isn’t right. We can be friends naman right? To get off that guilt feeling. Kase di talaga ko sanay ng ganito e. Ayun.. I’m running out of words..

HIM: You want us to be friends na lang? Aren’t we friends already.?

……

HIM: Pag lola ka na kaya. And your apo ask you about laughs, will you think of me?

HER: Yes, I will. I’ll tell them the story about a guy I met long ago. He kept on asking me about directions and we just got lost. I’ll tell them how that guy and I shared the music in our lives. How those songs seem to fit us perfectly. How can that guy be so irritatingly masungit, but I like it. He doesn’t even know how to make a sad face in text messages. It looks so stupid, but it’s funny anyway. And that guy made me happy..

HIM: It’s more than music for me. Was it love at first sight?

HER: I never believed in that phrase. Until I saw you.

HIM: Are you saying goodbye? =(

HER: No. Friends don’t say goodbye’s right?

HIM: You’re crazy. How can we be friends with this inside? =(

HER: Maybe I’m crazy.

 ”People that are meant to be together always find their way in the end. “

                                                                                    - Brooke Davis, OTH